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It was 1969, and I was six when my grandfather died. He was a stoic, dapper German gentleman, a banker whose greatest claim to "fame" (I learned years later) was that he was entrusted with helping teach the young Rockefeller boys about banking.
I remember he taught me how to play checkers--and I felt a connection with him over that. (I knew he enjoyed it, and he seemed happy and approving of me when we played).
I visited grandpa with my dad one night. Dad told me only that grandpa was very sick, but everyone seemed so sad and quiet...I knew this was different. I knew to say "I love you grandpa." My father spent some time with him as I stood outside. On the way home I asked my dad questions, to which he finally answered
"Grandpa is going to die."
He didn't seem to want to talk after that.
Die.
All I knew was that when you died, you were very still, like sleep, and you never moved again, and you never woke up. And I knew you went to heaven (so why did they bury people--and why had my dead guinea pig that I'd buried not gone to heaven--it was there when I dug it back up a few days later?)
That night I was very sad, but decided that my parents would never die and I would be with them forever and I was able to sleep. The next day, I wasn't so sure, so I had this conversation with my mom.
"Mommy, you and daddy will never die, right?"
"Everyone dies Jimmy. Your dad and I will both die some day."
I remember he taught me how to play checkers--and I felt a connection with him over that. (I knew he enjoyed it, and he seemed happy and approving of me when we played).
I visited grandpa with my dad one night. Dad told me only that grandpa was very sick, but everyone seemed so sad and quiet...I knew this was different. I knew to say "I love you grandpa." My father spent some time with him as I stood outside. On the way home I asked my dad questions, to which he finally answered
"Grandpa is going to die."
He didn't seem to want to talk after that.
Die.
All I knew was that when you died, you were very still, like sleep, and you never moved again, and you never woke up. And I knew you went to heaven (so why did they bury people--and why had my dead guinea pig that I'd buried not gone to heaven--it was there when I dug it back up a few days later?)
That night I was very sad, but decided that my parents would never die and I would be with them forever and I was able to sleep. The next day, I wasn't so sure, so I had this conversation with my mom.
"Mommy, you and daddy will never die, right?"
"Everyone dies Jimmy. Your dad and I will both die some day."
I began to cry.
"But I don't want you to die."
"Well, you don't worry Jimmy. It will be a LONG time before we die. a LONG. long time."
I tried to make her promise she would never die. I remember it made me angry that she wouldn't. Tears filled her eyes. She kissed me and gave me a long hug.
This brought me comfort--as only a mother's hug can do.
"But I don't want you to die."
"Well, you don't worry Jimmy. It will be a LONG time before we die. a LONG. long time."
I tried to make her promise she would never die. I remember it made me angry that she wouldn't. Tears filled her eyes. She kissed me and gave me a long hug.
This brought me comfort--as only a mother's hug can do.
(Thankfully I didn't know anyone who lost their mother or father at a young age. I don't know WHAT I would have done!)
Flash to today...Mom had heart surgery this morning
Flash to today...Mom had heart surgery this morning
Last night my son and I traveled to see mom. We were there to be with her, and to pray for her. She was scheduled for heart surgery Thursday (this morning) after a heart catheterization Tuesday turned up some "leaky valves" they wanted to fix right away.
As my son talked with his grandma, I remembered my heart-to-heart nearly 40 years ago...
"Everyone dies Jimmy. Your dad and I will both die some day."
I wondered if this was it, though I didn't dare speak it. I couldn't bear to think it. That fear, long postponed, rushed in, with a flood of memories.
As we prayed together, my love for my mom just poured out as I thanked God for her, for her love, for the amazing gift of God she is to me and to my son. I thanked God for her love. I've never met a kinder, more caring and loving person than mom. I asked God to allow His love to live on and keep on flowing through her.
As my son talked with his grandma, I remembered my heart-to-heart nearly 40 years ago...
"Everyone dies Jimmy. Your dad and I will both die some day."
I wondered if this was it, though I didn't dare speak it. I couldn't bear to think it. That fear, long postponed, rushed in, with a flood of memories.
As we prayed together, my love for my mom just poured out as I thanked God for her, for her love, for the amazing gift of God she is to me and to my son. I thanked God for her love. I've never met a kinder, more caring and loving person than mom. I asked God to allow His love to live on and keep on flowing through her.
And, even at 70, she has the voice of an angel (she is even in a band, "Mustang Sally and the Hamjo's"). One of my favorite memories as a child was falling asleep as she sang.
Update...
Mom's heart surgery went very well...and she is in recovery. Her heart will go on, as will her love.
Mom's heart surgery went very well...and she is in recovery. Her heart will go on, as will her love.
As I paused to thank God for seeing mom through, I was struck by a soul-felt determination that her love will live on through me.
Life is short dear friends. Cherish every moment. Life is about people. (And yes, God, of course.) But loving people--that's it. We are gifts to one another...for a season. Let's make the most of that season. Let our lives be filled with love for others.
I hope you'll enjoy this song, "Didn't I Dance?", sung by my mother with her band, not long ago. I imagine this song to mean more than simply dancing in and of itself. I think of it as our dancing the dance of life...to the rhythm of love:
In COMMENTS below, please honor your mother, father--or anyone you know who has shown you amazing love!
Related posts:
Time is a Ticking Crocodile: Making the Most of It With Your Kids"
Dear Dad, The War is Over
Check out the other Parentconsensus blogs:
Families That Inspire
Families in the News
ChristmasTime Memories
Life is short dear friends. Cherish every moment. Life is about people. (And yes, God, of course.) But loving people--that's it. We are gifts to one another...for a season. Let's make the most of that season. Let our lives be filled with love for others.
I hope you'll enjoy this song, "Didn't I Dance?", sung by my mother with her band, not long ago. I imagine this song to mean more than simply dancing in and of itself. I think of it as our dancing the dance of life...to the rhythm of love:
In COMMENTS below, please honor your mother, father--or anyone you know who has shown you amazing love!
Related posts:
Time is a Ticking Crocodile: Making the Most of It With Your Kids"
Dear Dad, The War is Over
Check out the other Parentconsensus blogs:
Families That Inspire
Families in the News
ChristmasTime Memories
7 What Do YOU Think? COMMENTS:
Thanks for sharing. I was once a child and a parent as of now. Even though I grew up with only my mother by my side, I have been happy because I've experienced love. Although I sometimes miss my father, I have learned that no matter what kind of family you belong but as long as you are contented then you will be happy.
That was the sweetest song! It makes me wish I had a recording of my mom and dad! They loved to sing also. Thank you for sharing that with us!
I was the last one at home with my parents. All my other siblings had left home. I dearly loved my mom, but my dad was my best friend, my teacher and my fishing partner. He would take me for long rides in the big trailer trucks he built. Being raised in Canada, he spoke with a thick Canadian accent. He used to sit me on his knee, hug me real tight and say: "J'adore!" I would giggle because it sounded like "Shut the door" and he'd laugh and hug me tight. It wasn't until many years after he died that I found out that he was saying "I adore you!" I loved him so much! He was everything to me. I was daddy's girl!
Two weeks before Christmas, when I was 15 years old, a sophmore in high school and dreaming of fulfilling my dad's one desire of seeing me graduate, he died of cancer, leaving a legacy of love that has been with me to this very day.
My dad always told me how proud of me he was and how much he loved me. His love, long after he was gone, gave me the strength to endure some pretty difficult times in my life.
I can still remember things he told me and sometimes find myself using those "nuggets" to encourage my own children.
My spiritual gift from God is "mercy". My basic training came from my dad.
1Cor. 13:4-8 "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniguity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..."
It is very sweet that you would share such an intimate thing.. thank you! You mother is an angel :)
So glad to hear your mom is ok. And she sounds like a great lady. I pray my children will have such fond memories of me.
I lost my father in 2001 at age 51. I always thought I had more time and wish I would have told him more often how much I loved him.
MommaYoung...I just bet they will have fond memories. (We have today to make those memories, don't we?) And I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father. All of us could say "I love you" way more...way more.
Hey, little brother! (Yes, all, I'm so proud to call Jim one of my little brothers, even though you’re like 5 inches taller than me!) What an unbelievably touching story you shared with us, Jim! (By the way, every bit he says about our mom is true.) Thank you, Jimmy (only I can call him that!). I cried when I read your story of your powerful, poignant, and profound moments with mom, both at age 6 and again, most recently. I, too, have many that I can speak about regarding mom. Isn't it scary that life can often move so fast that we can easily miss those ever-so-brief but priceless moments if we get caught up with the busy-ness and the business of doing, rather than being...and sharing...and loving! And as I get older I more and more realize what a gift mom is to me. She is truly a carnal angel - one of God's greatest gifts to anyone and everyone who comes in contact with her. Dad's her greatest fan, although we all have come to recognize her amazing ability to love without limits. I wrote a paper long ago about who the single most greatest influence on my life was. It was ...who else? MOM!. It’s true. Mom’s been such an inspiration to me, as she has been to you, and so many others. Music is a way she connects with people on such a deep level. I always love to harmonize with her, whenever we get the chance….I’m digressing, myself, but as I get older it becomes far more clear how life is all about relationships: Love God, Love One Another. Truly. And ‘family’ is such a powerful word to me. I love you all, (my family of origin) so much; I love my husband, our three children, and our four…yes, four, count ‘em, grand-dogs. I truly wish for others that, despite unique idiosyncrasies, that people can overlook and minimize the small, insignificant stuff and instead, capitalize on the more important positive stuff that truly matters in life. Jim, you’re pretty awesome, yourself, even if I do say it as your sister! …It must run in the family! Love always, Lynn
Hey Lynn, thank you so much for writing! This was a special time with mom. I'd love to see that paper you wrote!(By the way, she wants out of that rehab place--you know, she just likes to keep moving! I offered to go over there and bust her out of that place in the middle of the night!) We are looking forward to seeing her on Christmas. Anyway, as you know, it is hard to write so little about mom--what she means to us, what she has taught us and modelled for us. And I LOVE when you two harmonize--another great memory! I hope to hear that again soon...Love you! Merry Christmas! Jim
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Cheers!
Jim